


in the morning when i wake

by lookoutlovers



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Love Letters, M/M, im sorry, like a lot, lucas just loves eliott, this is very soppy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:01:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21887836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookoutlovers/pseuds/lookoutlovers
Summary: eliott has a bad day, lucas writes him a letter
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 20
Kudos: 138





	in the morning when i wake

**Author's Note:**

> i was having a bad day and so i wrote this it doesn't make much sense but it helped a little. i hope u enjoy 💫
> 
> title is from bloom by the paper kites

lucas wakes hazily. his head screaming of words he wants to get out, but they‘re trapped. he finds a pen.

 _eliott,_ he writes.

_you’re asleep next to me as i write this. you look peaceful, beautiful. it’s a little late, just gone noon, but i don’t want to wake you just yet—don’t want to steal you away from your dreams. i’m hoping that they are nice ones, kind ones that make yesterday not feel so hard anymore. i hope, that whatever you are dreaming right now, it brings you hope, that it lets you live for a little while in a world that doesn’t seem so daunting._

_yesterday was a lot, my love, i saw that in the way quietness took over, how everything was more difficult than usual. and i tried to be there for you, to be present in a way that was enough but not too much. i think, i hope, it was okay. i will ask you when you wake—or you can let me know once you read this, maybe. you know i still find it difficult to say what i mean, sometimes. but i’m trying, and i think you can see that. this helps, this. writing to you._

_i hope that’s okay. i hope you don’t mind._

_i was thinking, last night after you fell asleep in my arms, of the day we first met. how, when you introduced yourself to me at that bus stop it felt like my entire world shifted, in a way. how you seemed so untouchable. i think, perhaps, it was me not letting myself accept that you were what i wanted._

_i placed you in this box, you see, taped it up and labelled it, ‘fragile, do not touch’. i told myself someone so afraid of the world, someone like me, could never amount to someone like you._

_to me, back then, you were something that seemed not from this world. (otherworldly, is the term, i had to google it, just then. you know i’ve never been great at literature.) and i convinced myself that you were this perfect person who had everything—no problems, no worries. i think i saw most people that way—like their problems could never amount to mine. it was a little selfish, looking back._

_but i suppose that’s what we do, as humans, we suffocate within our own worries until we are blinded to everything else around us._

_i saw you, though._

_the more i got to know you, eliott, the more i saw how wrong i was. i saw how life draped over your shoulders, how it hung low despite the brightness you exuded. i looked at you that night we first kissed, under the bridge as the rain belted down on us and i saw hope._

_i looked at you, and i had no idea what you were going through, back then, but you made me feel hope, and i could tell that hope is what you were searching for, too._

_i wanted to be that little glimmer of hope for you like you were for me, then._

_and you still are, my darling. you’re everything to me. i can’t imagine a life without you in it anymore. can’t picture waking up in a bed without you, seeing your scruffy trainers by the front door, hearing your horrible music play from the bathroom when you take a shower._

_a world without you seems scary. terrifying. i don’t ever want to know what that’s like._

_so, to the point of this letter, i’m getting there, i promise._

_i know when you wake, you’re going to want to apologise. you’ll say you’re sorry for snapping at me, yesterday, for some of the things you said._

_the thing is, though, i don’t want you to. i don’t want you to ever feel bad for something like that, i know you would never mean it, i know you can’t help it._

_so, please, you don’t have to say it. i already forgive you._

_i’m still here, aren’t i? putting up with your shit just as you put up with mine._

_yann says, sometimes, that we’re a little bit of a disaster together. but i like us that way. i wouldn’t change it for the world._

_i still can’t quite comprehend the fact that you’re mine, it hits me out of nowhere, hard. like when i see you on the outskirts of a shitty house party of a person we don’t even know. i see how other people look at you, how they fawn over you but you never even take notice. because, and forgive me if it sounds a little self-centred, but all you see is me._

_you said it yourself, after all. it never leaves me, it’s all consuming, the way you make me feel._

_so i don’t want you to think you’ve hurt me, because you haven’t. you’ve done everything but that. and i don’t want you to beat yourself up for feeling this way, because it’s okay, if you do, and you’re doing so well. i’m so proud of you, my love._

_i’m so proud of how far you have come, how far we have come. i hope you know that._

_so, yeah. that was all, really. i hope you can make sense of this, i’m not the best with words. i tried, i think that counts for something, at least._

_right now, i think i’ll go make you some tea, for when you wake up. i hope it makes you feel a little better, to start your day with a smile. and, for every minute you feel down, i promise to give you a thousand happy ones. because that’s my job, i have decided, to make you smile, make you happy._

_that’s one thing i won’t let you argue with. i’m not going anywhere. so i guess it’s just something you’ll have to deal with._

_i love you, eliott, with all my heart._

_lucas._

eliott wakes just a little after one, with tea by his bed. it’s still warm. 

lucas is there, next to him, like he always is. eliott melts into his arms.

later, he will read the letter. later, they will talk. but for now, for now they can just be. for now they can let the warmth of their skin be the hope for a better day. for now, in this minute, they can love each other.

and that’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr - [@lumierelovers](https://lumierelovers.tumblr.com/)
> 
> i love u all ✨🧡


End file.
